meanwhile, in my kitchen…
Me: Wine, old friend, it’s a new year and I’ve decided it’s time for a change.
Wine: Here we go again…
Me: It’s not personal, you know I love you, but it’s high time I start taking care of myself. No more sloth. It’s healthy eating and living from here on out!
Wine: Every January it’s the same…
Me: See that’s exactly what I’m talking about. And so, starting now, we are going to stop spending so much time together.
Wine: Sure we are.
Me: We are because I am going to get a solid 8 hours of sleep every night. “Early to bed, early to rise!” that’s my new motto.
Wine: All aboard the USS Lifeless and Uninteresting! First stop, Boringville!
Me: After that it’s the gym five times a week.
Wine: Or you could commit to one time a week, maybe get in two, then revel in your over achievement…
Me: There’s a thought…I mean – NO! That’s the old me. Everything will transform, including my diet. I’ll start with a juice cleanse, ramp up on antioxidants, low carb it and go vegetarian…
Wine: Except for bacon right?
Me: No. And pizza is out.
Me: No more sugar either. It’s poison.
Wine: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Stop, I’m going to pee my pants.
Me: You might as well cork up. I’ll be meditating soon and that takes a clear head. Maybe we’ll catch up on my birthday, but don’t count on it.
Wine: OMG you’re serious? Hang on, can’t we talk about this?
Me: Nope. I need focus and dedication right now. I don’t mean to sound harsh but you can be a bad influence sometimes.
Wine: Moi?! What are you talking about?
Me: Um, remember New Years?
Wine: Oh come on. One bad decision… Most of the time you and I are brilliant together. We bleed creativity! And we’re funny. Oh my gosh we are SO funny!
Me: True, we’ve had some epic inspirations…
Wine: And you’ve got to admit you are at your most motivated when you and I are hanging out. You can do anything! Nothing can stop you.
Me: You do make me feel invincible…
Wine: That’s right, indomitable, smart, rich, a good dancer….
Me: I do like feeling rich…but I’m sticking with my plan. I’m going to get heathy if it kills me!
Wine: Well, OK. If you’re absolutely certain…. Hey, have you spoken to Martini Friday about this “new you”?
Me: No. He’s going to take it so hard. He’s such a happy guy, I hate to break his heart.
Wine: He sure will! Um…here’s an idea, why don’t you spend one more evening with him before you say anything. Ease him into it. Start the new you next week then, I promise, we’ll all be on your side.
Me: Really? That is kind of a good idea…
Wine: It’s a great idea. And because I hate seeing either of you sad, I’ll come too and help everyone relax.
Me: Oh, that’s nice of you, thanks!
Wine: Hey, what are friends for? Oh you know what would make the evening absolutely perfect?
Wine: Pizza. No don’t get up, I’ll call….