My son (who is a genius btw) has come up with a genius way to insult almost anyone. He calls it: Total Honesty.
“I’m having a total honesty day,” he’ll say and instantly your heart warms. ‘He’s going to share a bit of himself with me,’ you think, ‘how lovely.’
Then he hits you with, “So I have to tell you…” and follows it with whatever abuse is currently rolling around in his head. “This food smells disgusting.” “Those pants make your butt look big.” “That is the ugliest chair I have ever seen.”
Clever, eh? He is a genius. Did I mention that?
As we roll into 2018 I find myself wondering, maybe he’s onto something.
2017 was kind of a wild ride. Look back. How many time did this phrase leave your lips:
Did that just really happen?
More than twice, I’d wager. In fact I think it would be fair to call 2017 the year of incredulity. I think it would also be fair to say we’re tired of wild astonishment. So why not honesty?
2018, the year of total honesty.
Has a nice ring to it, yes?
Let’s get this party started. Following, in no particular order, are 5 totally honest 2018 talking points I am compelled to share:
- Social media is a giant time sucker. Admit it, it’s a life drain, except for those 5 minutes a month when it is hilarious, terrifying or inspiring. And that is why we stay. For those 5 minutes. For those who can’t do math that’s 43,200 (minus 5) minutes of your life potentially sucked away every month as you stare at a screen waiting for something amazing.
- Most commercial aircraft have more than one entry/exit door. The usual number is 4. The next time you are trapped in row 32 waiting for a gaggle of passenger and their oversized carry on’s to de plane, turn around and note the door behind you. (PS Hat’s off the all the airlines that 1. Know about these doors and 2. Allow passengers to use them)
- Chances are, you don’t actually “know what you are doing.” Nope. I don’t care if what you are “doing” has been done for a hundred years. One day, future peoples will look back at it and say “well that was weird”. (remember leaching? ) But chin up, no one knows what they are doing, not even the ones who seem like they really do. We’re all just making it up as we go. Anyone who thinks they “know” is probably only following someone else’s made up “do”. Better to be original.
- In your sphere of peers, only 1/16 understand math or knows geography. History? Forget about it. But instead of being distraught by my made up statistic, let it make you stronger. Memorize the countries of south America, learn how to count back change, find out who is prime minister of Germany – you will be a god.
- 2017 was not in fact the WORST year EVER. (Neither were 2016, 2015…) It also wasn’t the BEST year EVER. It very well could have been a good year, a bad year, or a year leaving you feeling luke warm, but it was not, and will never be, superlative worthy. Honestly, is anything?
OK, it’s your turn now. Hit me with the truth. It’s Ok, I can hack it. I’ve been in training.