Guess Cryogenics is not just for dead billionaires anymore. That’s right scientist now believe that a stint in a Cryogenic chamber enhances the body’s ability to heal.
Amazing. What will they think of next?
Well, if anyone’s looking for ideas, I’ve got one… how about cryogenics as a treatment for puberty?
Wait, hear me out.
While adolescence is a necessary stage in development it is also painful, tremulous, frustrating, embarrassing, and sometime dangerous. What if, instead of forcing our young adults to endure it, we simply let them sleep it off in a Cryo-chamber?
This wouldn’t be just a long nap, mind you. The subjects would be connected to a virtual world. As they snoozed the cerebral cortex would be engaged in a continuous stream of realities designed for optimum experience and growth.
Think about it, all the angst, error, words that should have never been spoken, actions that should never have take place that are integral to maturing, minus any long term damage because it’s all make believe.
Consider it: sleep and video games molded into one painless coming of age process. What could be more perfect?
Yes, I know what you are thinking – I am a genius.
But I can’t take all the credit for this dream. I live with free roaming adolescents and necessity is the mother of invention.
Yes I am a parent of teens and it’s become quite clear that I am really bad at it.
Don’t believe me? Here’s a list of the horrible things I did in this week alone:
I did not inform a certain someone that it was Thursday, and it had been Thursday ALL day already.
Someone (not me but that’s no excuse) ate all the eggs.
One adolescent put his socks on faster than another while I stood by and did NOTHING.
(This is actually my fault through a myriad of dressing scenarios – shirts, jackets, shoes… At first I found it confusing but since have seen the errors of my ways and completely accept responsibility)
I had the audacity to propose a trip to the beach.
Then later (clearly having NOT learned my lesson) I wildly suggested we go out for dinner.
And finally, (I’m a little embarrassed to admit this terribly low point in my parenting journey, but here it is all the same…)
I looked my son square in the face and said:
“It is time to make pizza”.
(Oh. The. Humanity.)
I need a super puberty busting cryogenic chamber STAT.
My kids need it.
Society needs it.
There must be a cryogenic scientist out there living with teens who understand and would look into this.
I’ll be waiting.