Forever After

cinderella

Now that I’ve taken you down the seedy side road of marriage, it’s time to talk about the one subject that really makes people uncomfortable: longevity.

How do you stay married? What’s it take to make things last?

First, a review. Everyone knows what is doesn’t take, right? Fairy tale love? Yes I know that according to Disney and every Rom Com ever written fairy tale romance is where it’s at.

Well they are wrong. While love is a BIG part of happily ever after, fairy tale love is well, a fairy tale.

The real way to stay together? The real way to keep the magic alive?

Acronyms.

Wait, come back. I’m serious. An expertly placed acronym is like the right pair of shoes. Not only will it save you from pain you’ll look like a rock star in the process.

Today I’m going to share with you the top two acronyms for marital stability.

#1 AOR

Area Of Responsibility

AOR, colloquially known as “Not My Job” is a fast, effective way of delegating the tasks of cohabitation. Think of it as an adult version of “Not It!” and “Shotgun!”

“It’s trash day.”

“Not my AOR.”

“The dog pooped on the rug.”

“Your dog, your AOR”

“The girl scouts are at the door. It’s cookie season. Should I tell them to leave?”

“That is MY AOR! Give me that checkbook!”

By the way the reason we abandoned the familiar “Not My Job” is because a clever acronym is does not make. Try it. NMJ. Now say that 5 time over and you’ll sound like your whiskey to coffee ratio is off.

(FYI that ratio is 6 to 1 on Monday 5 to 1 on Tuesdays, etc, graduating accordingly… but I’m getting off topic here…)

#2 MBI

I sound smart just typing that don’t I? You want to give me ALL your retirement funds now. I know.

But you shouldn’t. MBI has nothing to do with money and everything to do with the:

Marital Bliss Index.

“I love you, I just don’t like you” may be a truth, but it’s not exactly the best word to use in a relationship you want to last FOREVER.

Enter MBI

“You know that back packing trip you wanted to take in February, in Antarctica? Well I crunched the numbers and it’s not looking good for my MBI. So, I’m gonna have to say no…”

“Isn’t it weird how dinner out kicks my MBI up like ten points? We should study that.”

See?

Now if you really want to up your game, combine.

“Good Morning Alaska! Top news today, MBI’s suffered a low yesterday amidst an inexplicable AOR shortfall. Market experts agree, however, that if operation vacation proceeds as planned, we’ll see a rebound. Now for weather…”

Welcome to Happily Ever After.